Phrasing Matters: How To Be A Constructive Critic

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This post first appeared on Forbes.com

Are you great at spotting the flaw in the plan? Do you default to criticism rather than appreciation? If so, you could be bringing down the motivation on your team or getting a reputation as a complainer, and it may be time for an intervention. You have valuable insights to offer and it’s important to offer them constructively.

Negativity bias refers to our brain’s greater sensitivity to negative information than to positive. This trait is valuable because it helps us detect potential threats and correct problems. But, when not managed well in the workplace (or at home), it can lead to an over-expression of critique. Its impact is then compounded by the negativity bias of the listener. It can be demotivating, suppress creativity, damage relationships and impede performance. Research suggests that the highest performing organizations have a ratio of higher than 5:1 positive to negative comments.

Here are some ways to spot issues, raise concerns or challenge someone’s thinking without being perceived negatively:

Convert your complaint into a request, recommendation or suggestion. Behind every complaint is an unmet need—for efficiency, resources, clarity, etc. Simply framing your comment as a positive suggestion or request changes it from “woe is me” to “let’s try this!”

Complaint: “Our meetings are a waste of time.

Request: “Let’s talk about how to make our meetings more efficient.”

Complaint: “My team is totally under-resourced and can’t possibly take on anything else.”

Suggestion: “Before we take on this, I suggest we talk about priorities and figure out where it fits in and if we need to put something else on the back burner.

Phrase your critique as a question (start with what or how). Criticism basically tells the other person that he or she is wrong. Even if you feel quite certain of your critique, it is more respectful and positive to practice curiosity. And, of course, you could learn something.

Critique: “That’s totally impractical.

Question: “What are the practical implications of your proposal?”

Critique: “We don’t need that feature.

Question: “How does the feature fit in with our product vision?”

Critique: “That doesn’t make sense.

Question: “What do you mean by that?

Acknowledge the speaker, especially when you disagree. In disagreement, it can be easy to fall into us vs. them thinking. Acknowledge your colleague’s intent and ideas or align on a shared goal. This helps keep the disagreement respectful and constructive.

Validation: “I see what you are trying to accomplish.”

Appreciation: “Thank you for raising that point. Help me understand more.

Alignment: “We both care about X.”

Using these simple verbal jiu-jitsu moves will help you articulate the concerns underlying your complaints and critiques while building stronger relationships and culture.

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