Five Tips for When the Parenting Honeymoon is Over
What do we do when the first bloom of parenthood wears off and reality sets in? In marriage, it is called the “seven year itch,” when many a husband or wife tires of the reality of life with their spouse. But this experience is not limited to marital partners, says divorce lawyer and mediator Alison Patton in a recent blog. Parents, too, may feel the itch. What then? You can’t divorce your kids. Patton describes facing the realization that her kids were flawed human beings when they were about seven. She saw reflections of her own behaviors in her children and realized...
Read MoreIn Praise of Partnership*
I’m not sure when “partner” became a verb, and truth be told, my inner lexicographer probably winced the first few times I heard it. But now I have adopted it whole-heartedly. So much so that today I partnered with a terrific coach and consultant, Leigh Marz, to interview for an exciting consulting project involving three non-profit entities that are — you guessed it — partnering in service of a shared mission. Partnership offers so much more than going it alone. For Leigh and me, partnering provides complementarity of skills and experience. Our...
Read MoreShowing Up
Woody Allen famously said that “eighty percent of success is showing up.” But sometimes showing up is more than eighty percent – it’s the whole ball game. This past week tragedy struck my husband’s family when his younger cousin James died suddenly, devastating his wife and two children, mother and sister. He was irreplaceable and his absence will be with them forever. Friends and relatives rallied around the grieving family, bringing meals, caring for the kids, and assisting with funeral arrangements. My husband cut his trip to France short so that he could attend the...
Read MoreLearning from the Seventh Circuit — the Art of Being Influenced
The New York Times’ recent article about Seventh Circuit Judge Diane Wood, a “left-leaning woman in a world of right-leaning men,” highlights her ability to influence her colleagues — most notably conservatives Judge Richard Posner and Chief Judge Frank Easterbrook. Her skills as a persuader make her an attractive potential Supreme Court nominee to Democrats like me seeking to replace retiring Justice Stevens with a jurist who can influence Justice Kennedy to side with the more liberal wing of the high court. Enormous credit is due the extraordinary Judge Wood,...
Read MoreCouples: Tips to Build Positivity in 15 minutes (or Less!)
Today in my Dual Career Couples Workshop, we focused on building connection, appreciation, and aligning values. It was really fun and inspiring to witness four couples engaging one another on topics that really matter. They were talking and listening, being serious and laughing, disagreeing and compromising, fundamentally respecting one another. Here are some of the suggestions I gave them to increase positivity in their relationships: *Send your partner a text message or email during the day just to check how their day is going or to relate a success or something funny. *Make your...
Read MoreThe 69%
It turns out that 69% of marital conflicts are perpetual. Yup. Sixty. Nine. Percent. This is true for even the most successful, happy marriages. The first time I heard this statistic, I found it utterly discouraging to think that the vast majority of areas of friction between me and my husband would never go away, never be fixed. Ugh. But then, thanks to John Gottman, I went through a radical reframing of the issue and actually started to feel relieved. Here’s my thinking: so long as I am trying to resolve these conflicts, I am in this stressed-out territory where I am trying to...
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