Managing Up With Authenticity: Tips To Get The Most From Your Boss
Originally published on Forbes. “When I was moved to my current manager, I wanted to make a good impression. I figured out early on that she liked to talk about herself, so I usually start our one-on-ones with a question and just let her talk. When I do bring an issue to her, I always have a solution.” Sarah, a director in a tech company, thought she was managing up. But Sarah has been so focused on keeping her boss happy that she has not communicated her own aspirations and struggles. Afraid to show any weakness, she’s sacrificed authenticity and failed to develop a real relationship. “She...
Read MorePhrasing Matters: How To Be A Constructive Critic
This post first appeared on Forbes.com Are you great at spotting the flaw in the plan? Do you default to criticism rather than appreciation? If so, you could be bringing down the motivation on your team or getting a reputation as a complainer, and it may be time for an intervention. You have valuable insights to offer and it’s important to offer them constructively. Negativity bias refers to our brain’s greater sensitivity to negative information than to positive. This trait is valuable because it helps us detect potential threats and correct problems. But, when not managed well in the...
Read MoreGive Thanks for Feedback – how to receive feedback gracefully and constructively
In the world of management and leadership training, a lot of emphasis is put on teaching people to give effective feedback and very little attention is given to receiving feedback. Yet we know that a major reason that feedback conversations go sideways is the recipient’s response. Given the importance of feedback, we need more training on how to gracefully receive and learn from feedback, even when it is not skillfully given. The starting place is gratitude. Repeat after me: “Feedback is a gift.” Really. You need feedback to grow and learn. Even the most self-aware people...
Read MoreGet Your Gratitude On – For Its Own Sake
All over the country this week bloggers are holding forth on the subject of gratitude. And I’m all for gratitude, not just in November, but daily, maybe even hourly. But too often gratitude is touted not as an end in itself but because it will help you achieve some goal: being grateful will make you happier, or improve your relationship, or make you a better manager. Practicing gratitude does have some great benefits, but the heart of gratitude is not as a means to an end. Gratitude is not about you. Life coaches exhort their clients to keep a gratitude journal to help them feel happier and...
Read MoreCan You Afford Coaching?
A friend of mine recently asked, “Do you find that the people who most need coaching can least afford it?” and it got me thinking about money and about the value of coaching. The question of what you can afford it highly subjective and value-laden. Look at any budget — your own or the government’s (okay, maybe you don’t want to look at that) — and you will find choices and priorities based on implicit or explicit values. One person who can “afford” to spend 30% more on organic products may not feel she can “afford” a $100/month gym...
Read MoreRevive Your Flagging Resolution
Overheard conversation between two regulars in the elevator of 24 hour Fitness gym on January 3: “Crowded today.” “Yup. It’s all those New Year’s resolutions.” “Uh-huh, but don’t worry, it won’t last long.” It seems that built into the whole idea of New Years resolutions is that they are short-lived. Resolvers start out full of energy and hope – they go on a diet or join a gym. But at some point, say late January or mid-February, most people taper off and find themselves no better off than they started. You can almost hear it in the often sheepish tone in...
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